If you have a break in your habit, especially if you have had an intention of doing something consistently or you’ve just gotten started doing something you made an agreement with yourself to get going on, and then something happens that causes you to stop, it can be a vulnerable place for you. It can then be more difficult to go back to doing what you intended than if you had never gotten started.

It's even more important to keep going without being hard on yourself for stopping. Just go back and keep going. Consistency is one of my intentions for moving forward with my art practice and also posting here. My goal is to practice my art every day and also to post every day. But I also have a day or days where I can’t meet one or both goals. And I’ve grown to have grace for this. I used to be hard on myself, and that made it harder to get started again.

I realized also that there was a part of me that wanted to be perfect, and that since I had broken my intention of doing something every day, I had somehow already failed so now there was no point in trying at all. I’ve reframed this and now view each day as a day to show up and do the best I can. Stepping back and looking at my overall progress helps. Am I going in general where I want to go? Am I getting better in general and doing my art and posting as much as I can? Yes! I’m moving in the right direction, and it doesn’t need to be perfect. In fact, my perfectionism just gets in the way of my enjoyment and being able to move forward. I can be with this part of me that has a need to want to be perfect and I can send her some love and support. And then I can do what I need and want to do on this new day and start moving forward again.

Part of why I’m not able to do what I intend to do every day is that I struggle with chronic migraines and also hormonal changes and intensity, which I have managed for a long time. This makes me tired and also is a challenge for me with focus and show up how I’d like to. Having compassion for any part of you that struggles with health issues or being busy, trying to make time, get everything done, is important to. That’s why it’s important to keep trying. Each day will be a new chance to try again. Maybe doing something every day isn’t the right cadence anyway. Maybe for now, three days a week works better. Have room for that and celebrate that this is where you are right now, and that that’s a lot.

How is this for you?

This piece is the final image from the lesson I presented for the Soulpages mentor program focused on the topic of transformation. The blue and house image represents what to let go of, the figure on the right represents what I’d like to bring in and the tree represents the bridge between the two, and transformation itself. She allows healing with the lines and colors and I found that the process of drawing those lines allowed me to work through giving up stories from the past, including perfectionism, self-criticism, internal expectations and rigidity like what I’ve described here. This kind of thinking can come up in the process of our art making and our art process itself, whether you’re new to art making or you’ve been doing it for a long time.

When you’re working with difficult emotions, it might take more than one spread to be able to work through and express what’s going on. It might be more effective to allow the parts of yourself that carry the emotions to spread out further – across two spreads in your journal, to be exact – to really be able to express the emotion, and the intensity of the situation.

I’m halfway through expressive arts therapy training certification with the Northwest Creative and Expressive Arts Institute Professional Training Program. In one of our recent classes, we focused on the inner critic and inner caretaker as two opposite visual arts pieces. Of course, I always choose visual art journaling as my go-to medium, so I did two journal spreads. I chose a situation that comes up for me over and over in my life, so is emotionally painful.

Do you have these kinds of situations? The same kind of toxic relationship pattern that no matter how hard you try, it just seems to happen over again? That difficult person you just can’t seem to choose differently even though it seemed so different when you went into it? Carl Jung called these patterns complexes, and although you may be tempted to blame yourself for them, they are not exactly your fault.

Complexes are deeply rooted in the subconscious and put simply, we draw them into our lives to try to continue to solve them and grow. Although it may not seem like it, we are progressing with our personal work, especially if we’re doing practices such as expressive art journaling. We can even look at having come across the challenge as an opportunity, as frustrating as it may seem at the time.

Another name for these kinds of reoccurring patterns is complex, or relational trauma. As psychology has matured, we have included the body in the experience we have with relationships and what we carry from our young lives to our adult lives, and we realize that how we react to others comes from what we experienced at a young age.

These two spreads were timely for me since I was in the middle of a painfully reoccurring emotional situation that I definitely carry from a young age, and that reoccurs with authority figures in my jobs. For the inner critic spread, we wrote a dialogue with that part, using the dominant hand to ask questions and the non-dominant hand to answer. My inner critic was pretty harsh, as our critics can be.

Be kind to yourself as you do this part. Ask the critic what it believes about the situation and about you. Ask how it’s trying to help you. Ask how it feels and how long it’s felt this way. Ask how old it is. Ask what it would like you to know and what gift it has for you. This can be hard, so take care of yourself. This is why we want to make sure we do the next part and allow the caretaker to show up and help out.

For this spread, we are going to create a shield. Use colors to represent the emotions you feel that represent the power and strength of the shield. I chose to do the writing on the page of the spread first and then cover it up with paint to make it unreadable, as I often do with painful writing, especially. See what feels best to you.

Choose an image that represents the keeper of the shield for you, and any other images that you feel drawn to. Use lines, color and other elements to connect the images and shapes of the spread. The shield and shapes don’t have to be literal. Let your subconscious lead and do what feels right to you. Write words or phrases if that feels important for you.

The other spread is the caretaker. This part is a safe place for you. Capture this feeling and ask the caretaker what it would like you to know about feeling safe, protected and supported. Use your non dominant hand to answer about how it feels to have the feeling of protection. Let this part tell you what it would like to and ask if it has a gift for you.

What did you learn from these two spreads? Was there anything you needed to learn about balancing the two? For me, I know that these two parts are very far apart from each other and need to be able to talk and connect with each other. I want to do a spread where they can meet. The caretaker spread is a place of peace, of sanity, of calm and innocence, and it is often misunderstood.

These two spreads represent the traditional and psychic and literal male and female worlds I was raised within and in which I need to find balance and peace. The critical and linear left brain world of power and control often ends in misunderstanding, confusion and frustration in the outside world. I experience fear and wounding, fire and suffering in this world. Just look at it.

The other world is one that was so extreme, I try to recreate it, but it is a dream. It’s a place that she tried to create and keep but that only kept us from being able to walk through the world with real steps. I get stuck there and do not know how to move. I get thrown in the red ocean of the other page.

What are these worlds for you? They may very well be more balanced, less tumultuous and less filled with this kind of emotion. The inner critic has a way of bringing out intensity though, so if you choose to go here, do plan to take care of yourself, and make sure to also visit the caretaker, whose job it is to take care of us!

We are always moving towards balance, integration and harmony with the parts of ourselves that are in opposition. This is the ultimate challenge for each of us in our lives, and getting to know these parts of us is the most honest, brave and creative work we can do! Keep exploring 😊