I’m very attached to words. The narrator in my head doesn’t really ever stop. I assume it’s that way for most people but I don’t know if it’s as relentless for everyone. It’s as if the words serve as some kind of anchor holding me to the earth, and a part of me fears that without them I would just float away somehow.
It made sense to me when we learned in my trauma program that meditation can feel unsafe for some people. Letting go of that voice to me can feel a bit like l like letting go of reality. But being aware of that in itself can be very freeing. Facing the addiction to naming, judging, telling ourselves what we see rather than just seeing, or hearing and being in our senses can open a door to brand new experience.
To be able to create this way, to paint this way, is freeing. We can step out of the story we’re telling and be in a mood or emotion while it happens without having to describe it and in so doing step out of the moment. I was painting today and realized that I felt sad. The neighbors are building a house next door and the pounding sounds, rather than annoying me, surprisingly led me to feel sadness.
I actually did know why, and I was able to channel the sense I was having into the color I was working with and really be with it. I was taken back to my family but I was still in my body, in the sun, with the sounds, and with the color and mark I was making in that moment.
I value my inner narrator and I respectfully ask her to take a break when I want to shift into creative expression. I actually don’t think she minds too much since she’s been talking nonstop for a really long time!
I’ve been thinking a lot about this kind of topic since I’m in the process of creating an intuitive soul painting class called Authentic Creative Expression, that will focus on going deeper into personal symbolism and story, using nine specific points I call source points that are based on the Enneagram, Internal Family Systems and the Chakras.
Click below to learn more about the course and receive future updates, plus receive a free one-page mediation guide, and a 10+ minute MP3 recorded meditative affirmation that is based on the nine source points and that can be used before you create.