Waking up

What if there really was no time

And you got to do whatever made your heart sing

Just because

What if you listened to the part of you that knows

that age and dates and calendars were made up by humans

so they could keep track and name things

and put things on lists so that they would not forget

such things like numbers and years and information

But that part of you does forget.

She runs free when she is supposed to sit still

And she laughs when she’s supposed to keep quiet,

And you’re glad that she still remembers.

She finds that knowing in the color you let her choose

when you close your eyes and ask the

numbered-one to stay quiet for a bit

So she can sing

She is shy.

She always has been.

She was the kid who took ‘the longest they have ever

seen anyone’ learn how to tell time,

And she carried that with her to show them

Job after job and paper after paper,

Until finally she broke free.

And the age of her knowing bothered her for some while

Until she remembered to forget about time

Again.

Long past gone

There's seriously  

nothing wrong  

with you  

except that  

you think something's  

wrong with you  

and the fact that  

you carry that  

with you  

just because  

someone with 

a cold dark  

heart handed  

it to you  

he might be long  

past gone  

but you are not:  

raw and bleeding  

hands and all  

Just this

If I could 

I'd give to you  

the cool green  

end of this day,

the careless sound  

of water rushing by 

before we hung  

on every little detail 

mundane turned  

to profound holding on

and you  

who hated being  

in the center most  

of all.

I'd paint a rose for you  

or bring you lilacs  

wrapped in foil

like we were

both still young  

like we 

had all the time  

left in this world  

All I can do

Not sure  

who is here right now  

which one of us is driving  

------------------- 

I dreamed I told the priest 

that I would read 

but then the book got moved  

the pages now impossible  

to find in the giant rows 

of endless books, red and orange

while time crawled by 

everyone just waited

silent and still

behind me  

 -------------- 

I'm not sure where  

I am right now  

so I walk and  

feel my feet  

and hear the water - 

it's all I can do  

Undoing

Anything 

you choose will  

feel less brilliant  

than the one

you left behind.

You can't compare  

the outside to  

the one 

you cannot see,

and no,  

there is not one  

of us immune 

Crescent

There is no right  

or wrong, only here and now  

a tiny crescent moon  

barely visible 

in the early dusk. 

Say what you want;

be the unconscious 

beast you've choosen

as your way,  

and one day  

you will stand

before the  

center of the earth  

and feel every  

second of every  

barb you've  

ever

thrown  

Where exactly

Where exactly  

do I put this anger  

I will not apologize  

for who I am  

and I care little 

if you ever understand  

you can rest assured  

I don't belong  

here and no 

that isn't victim speak 

nor is it negativity  

it's me letting go  

of the insane dance  

and finally  

being  

myself  

Gilded

All the money  

in the world  

will buy  

you nothing  

but an overbuilt  

bird cage

to keep yourself  

inside  

so you don't  

somehow  

break into

a million little  

shards of extremely  

expensive  

glass  

Offering

You probably 

valued privacy  

more than anything.

Maybe you were  

just playing  - 

seeing what you  

could make, 

and the rumors are  

what haunt you  

even to this day.

All the  

means in the world  

and no one to 

share it with  

but these sad little  

rooms

and the world  

just assuming they  

know the first thing  

about loss  

or the brand 

of this suffering.  

Grey

I realized

I'd barely been breathing 

when I walked along  

the grey still sea at  

the foggy end of day  

dressed for sun  

and cold

yet surprisingly stoic 

held by her moods  

and forgetting  

mine in the clean damp  

elemental air  

Whale

Your massive yet  

graceful form  

stops every one of us  

remembering the mystery  

in the depths  

you navigate  

seemingly alone  

yet connected  

in the end  

to her soul  

Sleep

I fell into the  

sleep of a thousand  

deaths  

unaware and heavy  

headed wondering  

where I am 

and why I need  

to fall so hard  

just now

Evolution

Hopefully 

we see more clearly 

the outlines of trees  

the edges of hills  

as we step to

the other side  

of the path  

first with trepidation  

then deliberation  

owning the inevitable  

embracing the sheer  

raw fact  

of pine, earth, sky -  

breaking the stick  

in half when it needs 

breaking  

Nice try

As much as I tried 

to leave you where you 

where

back there  

forgotten  

here you are again  

right in front of me  

and there I am again  

back

as if progress 

was just a concept  

and the needle hadn't  

moved  

one inch  

Two owls

we started building  

the owl house  

years ago 

so they'd move here  

and catch the mice.

We found the pieces

of the structure

In the storage 

as we cleaned 

the aftermath

of them moving  

in and taking up  

full residence  

(the mice) 

We tried to help 

them move along 

but they  

were just too smart  

for their own damn good.  

Two owls are singing  

in the trees:

if I knew about music  

I'd say that each  

held a different octave

there may even  

be phrases and parts;  

they sing or talk  

with mystery  

filling the night  

with wonder  

with owl shaped  

joy

(no house  

required):

word must have  

gotten out  

that there's some 

top end five star  

dining  

over here.  

Artifact

you would never know 

just by looking  

at a photograph  

how hot it was that day  

why she turned  

right not left  

whether she was happy  

with the end result  

or in general  

who she was with  

what demons had 

escaped the lens  

how close or far she was  

from giving up.  

But you get the final word: 

kind of like the punchline  

suspended  

and intact.  

Recovered

Where did you go  

my childhood friends  

my first loves  

laughing til  

we can't breath  

or was that ever 

even real? 

I'll take today  

no matter what it brings  

I'm here  

after all  

and everything  

else  

is just  

background  

noise  

Last light

maybe we need  

to remind ourselves  

how rare 

the days we sail  

through  

like the glimpse 

of land we've never seen

and similar the nights  

the boundless hazy 

laying out of crucial 

information  

and then 

it's gone  

Unfathom

I'm not myself 

today  

which should  

terrify  

the most grounded  

of us  

i guess sometimes  

we need to come  

unhinged  

occupy a hell

of our own 

making  

in the middle  

of just another 

day. 

You will never know  

what it feels to be  

this  

to be me

crawling 

back inside 

and  

to a softer  

place  

Remnants

Not sure exactly  

what I'm doing here  

whatever boundary  

I thought was mine 

completely dissolved  

and heading for the ocean  

as we speak  

remnants washing 

up in a year 

or two  

peices of the 

girl that left  

today